Almost every gal or boy in some cases has had some sort of encounter with a tanning product. Some have been such smooth experiences others have been disasters. I can’t remember the first time I applied the brown stuff but I know it was a messy affair!! Such inexperience!! Oh how far we have come, how far! We gals now have it down!! Do men really hate it ? Or do they just hate it when they can see those streaks?!
I think there are different levels of the addiction and need for fake tan. I have identified 3 levels which I feel are quite apt!
The Ommpa Loompa
This is when the subject is like clearly spending way too much money on tan as they appear to be wearing the bottle of tan – all of it. When your face tone is 10 levels darker than your neck and hands and when this becomes obvious from a ‘tan’ mile radius, then you know you have real problem. Or you should!! This type of tan application is like so 1990! The Ommpa Loompa’s invest in dark bed sheets and dark towels as anything WHITE will not have a place in their lives. They will have banished white from every aspect perhaps even their vocab! If a guy breaks up with you over the amount of tan you wear, this should send a signal that perhaps you should assess your application levels!! The worst thing about the Oompa Loompa’s is that they know how much tan they have on…. and they love it!!
This is when the subject jumps on the band wagon with tanning as all their friends appear to wear tan. These are the types that head and get a spray tan before an occasion like a wedding or a debs even though they have NEVER tried and tested. Result = Regret of the century. The spray tans are the real killers as they just won’t come off with a scrub.. oh no…these ones take time.. Time is something that’s not really on your side when you get a spray tan the night before a wedding. The good thing about the victim is that they’ll only succumb to being a victim once in their lives!!!
These are the good ones, the pros that have perfected the art of application. They’re like the Leonardo da Vinci’s of the modern day. You can’t quite tell if they are rocking a real or a fake as they always have a lovely evenly spread tone with no streaks in sight. The investors will go into debt in order to maintain their deep dark or in this case… white secrets!!
I salute all you addicts out there! Stay away from sunbeds and embrace the bottled revolution! XXJCXX