Well.. it’s that time again… Asking a Man’s Advice… Let me introduce our man of the month… Philippe… Thanks to all the girls who have provided us with their burning questions and here are your answers… from a man with some quality advice…
Name: Philippe Gressier
Status: Married with 2 kids with a job that requires a lot of travelling…
All feedback greatly welcomed….
Q: If you’re faithful, don’t want to see anyone else and want to see me – what’s the problem with labels?
A: There’s nothing inherently wrong with labels other than the fact that they sometimes provide an overly simplistic view of a relationship. In the past, I’ve sometimes rushed to call “girlfriend” someone who clearly wasn’t there to stay! And today’s relationships can be more difficult to read…. They can be more casual, less committing (friends with benefits). But once the relationship begins to last for a few months and is exclusive, not wanting to “label” it is puzzling. Try the following exercises: if he doesn’t want to label it, ask him to describe the relationship with his own words, how he feels about you, about the 2 of you, how he sees it in the future, ask to meet his friends, his relatives … If he doesn’t want to answer, well, “Houston, we have a problem”.
Another option is for YOU to label HIM when he meets your friends and family… it can be anything between flattering (this is my better half) to provocative (please meet my boy toy!). If he doesn’t respond well, or not at all, he may not be a keeper. It takes two to tango and God knows it’s difficult enough to build a relationship when the two parties have similar views. So in a nutshell, give him a chance to express himself… but don’t waste your time!
Q: If a girl is really keen and forward when she meets a guy, do guys find this a turn off? For instance… Asking a guy for their phone number and contacting them first etc…. Do guys prefer to chase a girl?
A: Historically, men are hunters… but come on… we’re way past the Stone Age, aren’t we? God, I love to be chased, always have, always will… anyone, male or female, telling me that they don’t like the attention, that they don’t feel flattered…. Is just a liar! If any guy is turned off because you show interest and initiative, he most likely has an outdated macho ego issue and doesn’t deserve you to begin with. Guys can have a tendency to confuse being macho and being a gentleman. It’s perfectly fine for a guy to be asked out… but still take care of the lady once they’re actually out on the town. Having said that, it’s all about balance, sometimes be the “chaser” and have fun, sometimes be the “chasee” and have fun with it as well
Q:In your opinion, why do guys lead girls on…for instance.. why do they text/ring you/meet up with you if they’ve not intention of wanting to have a relationship with you?
A: Men are not subtle (how about that for an understatement, right?) and we don’t do well with clues or hints. On top of that we might be afraid of moving too fast or too slow (we can be “status quo” experts!), some of us may be afraid to commit while some might just enjoy the flirting…. So just voice out loud and clear what you want and it’ll get the job done. For instance, if the texting/mailing/calling bothers you…. Just say so and ask what’s next: do you intend to move further, are you interested in a relationship, why haven’t you kissed me yet? If they don’t want to get into a relationship with, then tell them to stop contacting you…. Say it like you mean it (yes, it’s like disciplining a child!!!) and men will get it.
Q:If a guy is married with kids, why do you think successful married men who have really good looking wives and appear happy…why do they cheat?
A: First of all, let me say that married women cheat too and that some single women specifically target married men (and yes, we’re weak… in case you haven’t notice, I have a PhD in “Understatement-ology”!!!). The answer to this question is the same as to this question: why do dogs lick their own balls? Because they can!
Seriously, there can be multiple answers to that and it’s difficult to refrain from judging people. Some marriages may be more open or less exclusive than others, some may just be conscious-less serial cheaters (or the kind that requires clinical treatment), some may be less happy in the marriage than they appear or not have what they need at home (from an emotional and/or physical perspective) and they find it easier to have affairs than confront their spouse (not very brave I’ll admit).
Some may enjoy flirting outside… but don’t know when to stop… like I said, we’re pretty weak and the male body doesn’t have enough blood to properly irrigate both the brain and the… hmmm, well, you know. It’s interesting to note that in such cases, full consciousness rushes back as soon as “business has been taken care of”! Bottom line is: actions have consequences and anyone cheating should be willing to pay the price. If you have a happy family in which you have invested a lot of time, love, efforts,… is it worth risking it all?