My Top 17 Dating Tips!

1) Never arrive early EVER! – The reason being you end up standing like a complete tool at the bar by yourself downing a wine into you and are so morto because ppl are starring at you as it’s clearly obvious that you are going on a date. Your puce morto ‘let’s stare at my phone’ face gives it away.

2) If they are not funny, don’t pretend you think they are.

3) Set boundaries from the start. Otherwise they slack and the honeymoon period will be over before ya know it!! That’s if there is one to begin with. Going Dutch from the start is a farce and so 2010. Bring back 1920 chivalry. We have had enough feminism now.

4) Eat something light before ya go. (soaks up the wine) and also stops ya eating like an animal if you go to a restaurant.

5) If you go to a restaurant, make sure it’s not Thai. One word CHOPSTICKS. Not good, sexy or attractive when ya can’t use them. And then ya end up eating a grain or rice for dinner and the wine takes over!!

6) If he is drinking beer, don’t keep up with the round. 4 wines = A bottle, And memory loss. (perhaps ur dignity at stages too)! Know the one that’s one too many!

7) Wear something black – I find black is a good color and gives nothing away. Its mysterious, always looks good and makes ya look skinnier. Accessories are pivotal!

8) Use Johnson’s not tan – The whole like tan thing on a date is a bit ott for Winter time. Build it up over the week. It’s that natural ‘glow’ that we have!

9) If it’s not happening on date 1 ‘DELETE’ them. ‘DELETE’. Date 2 will just be painful.

10) Don’t come across as a stalker asking obvious questions. Like their surname, clearly so you can stalk them on FB/LinkedIn/Twitter!

11) Get a taxi to the door – Rocking up and having to change flats to heels around the corner is just not cutting it. Especially if there is a chance they could see you.

12) If they ask you to go back for tea – Just go back for tea. Maybe a biscuit too. Nothing more and nothing less! And make sure it’s Barry’s. If they don’t have a decent tea bag then cut it there and then!

13) Have a Pipeline (of men/women) – You don’t want to put all your chickens in one basket. You need alternative entertainment. Keep them flowing! Pipelines are all the rage!

14) Don’t ever have a sleep over on the first date. This is a major blunder! And if this happens. Make sure you shave your legs!!!

15) Flirt with your eyes – Just like Tyra banks told ya to! Smize!

16) Say something mental, something they don’t expect. Just to throw them, just when they think they have you sussed! Something like ‘omg I think I am a reincarnate of…’

17) Don’t date someone who works near you. It makes your daily lunch breaks a living nightmare.

4 Comments on “My Top 17 Dating Tips!

  1. Hahahahhahah amazing…. So true!! Love it Jen … You speak the truth my love xxxx


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