Life before Tinder! My 2012 top 17 dating tips updated to 2015!!

I love Tinder, I find it a lot of fun swiping left and swiping right… when I go on my friend’s Tinders’. It’s literally the craic. I’ve never signed up to Tinder but I did go on my fair share of dates pre Alexis, 18 dates in like 6 months but I did meet these people in the human flesh, like opening a bank account, joining a gym, on a night bus, on the steps around Trafalgar Square, falling out of a club on the King’s Road, in a tennis members club that I don’t know how I entered but I still find it so facinating to hear about dates from my friends. I wasn’t so sure about Tinder at the start but now I do believe like anything it’s a numbers game… You got to just go on a marathon of them and eventually you’ll have to find someone on the same page… But I do think it’s funny to look back to 2012 at my top 17 dating tips, pre Tinder!!  I think they’re still pretty apt now…

My 2012 dating tips before Tinder updated to 2015! 

1) Never arrive early EVER! – The reason being you end up standing like a complete tool at the bar by yourself downing a wine into you and are so morto because ppl are starring at you as it’s clearly obvious that you are going on a date. Your puce morto ‘let’s stare at my phone’ face gives it away. ( sure the bar man knows you as you’re in there every night.. on a date, no need to order your drink, he knows the drill) 

2) If they are not funny, don’t pretend you think they are. (no need to converse, just up and leave and walk out the door and never look back… )  

3) Set boundaries from the start. Otherwise they slack and the honeymoon period will be over before ya know it!! That’s if there is one to begin with. Going Dutch from the start is a farce and so 2010. Bring back 1920 chivalry. We have had enough feminism now. (Yes chivalry is still imperative but nothing wrong with you man handling them either if you feel the need) 

4) Eat something light before ya go. (soaks up the wine) and also stops ya eating like an animal if you go to a restaurant. (No you’ll need a wine as most people don’t resemble their photos, go to the pub and have a pre game drink) 

5) If you go to a restaurant, make sure it’s not Thai. One word CHOPSTICKS. Not good, sexy or attractive when ya can’t use them. And then ya end up eating a grain or rice for dinner and the wine takes over! (If you’re in a Thai restaurant this is a sign of a good Tinder date, normally you’re lucky to get a drink these days, ask for a fork!) 

6) If he is drinking beer, don’t keep up with the round. 4 wines = A bottle, And memory loss. (perhaps ur dignity at stages too)! Know the one that’s one too many! (If he’s buying the drinks, keep up, a rarity these days, take all you can get) 

7) Wear something black – I find black is a good colour and gives nothing away. Its mysterious, always looks good and makes ya look skinnier. Accessories are pivotal! (Yes, still applies, maybe a black pair of design tights from Primany) 

8) Use Johnson’s not tan – The whole like tan thing on a date is a bit ott for Winter time. Build it up over the week. It’s that natural ‘glow’ that we have! (I think Garnier is a better shout on this one)

9) If it’s not happening on date 1 ‘DELETE’ them. ‘DELETE’. Date 2 will just be painful. (I don’t think you can delete them? Block them on all forms of social media, turn off your location, shut it down, turn off your phone, leave the country!) 

10) Don’t come across as a stalker asking obvious questions. Like their surname, clearly so you can stalk them on FB/LinkedIn/Twitter! (You already have done this pre date, but just pretend you know nothing for the sake of conversation starters) 

11) Get a taxi to the door – Rocking up and having to change flats to heels around the corner is just not cutting it. Especially if there is a chance they could see you. (It’s now an UBER so this ain’t a problem) 

12) If they ask you to go back for tea – Just go back for tea. Maybe a biscuit too. Nothing more and nothing less! And make sure it’s Barry’s. If they don’t have a decent tea bag then cut it there and then! (Gospel & full fat milk) 

13) Have a Pipeline (of men/women) – You don’t want to put all your chickens in one basket. You need alternative entertainment. Keep them flowing! Pipelines are all the rage! (I couldn’t have said it better myself) 

14) Don’t ever have a sleep over on the first date. This is a major blunder! And if this happens. Make sure you shave your legs!!! (Don’t shave your legs cause then you’ll stay over) 

15) Flirt with your eyes – Just like Tyra banks told ya to! Smize! (Flirt like Rugby Rose in Orange is the New Black) 

16) Say something mental, something they don’t expect. Just to throw them, just when they think they have you sussed! Something like ‘omg I think I am a reincarnate of…’ (Say something like oh yeah, you know that show Narcos, well Pablo Escobar was actually like related to me as I’m from a real big Irish family) 

17) Don’t date someone who works near you. It makes your daily lunch breaks a living nightmare. (It’s only a nightmare if it’s like more than 4 people and a day does not go by without you bumping into someone, otherwise it’s kinda exciting!) 

Tinder is a numbers game, GET SWIPING!


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